Moonlight that had kept me awake

There was darkness all around
The night had eclipsed the sun,
The night, all dark crept slowly to break hearts
The hearts thumped slowly in anxiety and anguish,
the terrors of darkness being manifold

I saw the battle happen, the mighty battle of the sun
All wishes were with him to shine again
To fill the planet with its brilliance, the world with serenity
The serenity that would have brought the world to a glorius future,
all bright, all happy

In darkenss the other night when I lay
A stream of cool moonlight fell on my face,
making my face bright with hope,
raising the sensetations sweet
making me aware of the presence,
the presence that proclaims victory,
The victory of the sun over darkness, of yang over ying
of may be good over evil.
I slept under the moon
with an enligtened smile on my lips
Dreaming of the setting sun and its rising reflection
and the shining dewey blades of the green green grass.

The day Rajiv Gandhi died:

The americans say that everyone in the country remembers the moment when they heard that JFK was assasinated. True I thought, We Indians have the same feeing about the day Mahatma gandhi died or the moment we heard of the brutal murder of Rajiv. Love him or hate him, the brutal murder evoked sympathy for the soul lost.

It happend some 15 years ago, and I was not even 10 but the day is etched in my memory. I was standing on the rooftop playing cricket with my friends when some friend told me that rajiv gandhi was dead and was killed by a bomb blast. I just looked at him and we started playing again. After a few hours I went home and told my mom about the brutal murder. She looked distressed and with moist eyes said, "oh Rajiv gandhi died, What a handsome man he was". I just looked on, I didnt realize what was more distressing, the ex prime minister's death or the handsome man's face blodied.

I still am not able to forget that day.

A flower's odyssey

A solitary flower stood at the corner of a vast garden
enjoying her beauty under the heat of the morning sun
Dressed brightly, the flower laughed
A little proud, A little vain
laughing in her innocent pride.
She smiled at the playing children
She winked at the cooing lovers
and painted her life with all the hope
An optimistic picture of what only time would reveal.
Slowly she blossomed, radiating her beauty
Her fragnance filled the world
She stirred with every touch,
the soft touch of the passing wind
The warm touch of an innocent child
The firm but nurturing touch of the gardner
And she waited for her fate, Matured as she waited.

She attracted everyone who saw her
Ants and insects, bees and man
The bees swarmed around her
Drinking her nectar, licking her sweetness
Draining her beauty, making her hollow.
A light breeze now took the flower away
She fell on the hard ground with a life all spent
The petals were covered with dewey the tears
As she faced a different world all bleak , all white

A warm touch made her fly away from the hell
to a temple resonanting the sweet sound of faith
And she reached the divinity's head
Hundreds fell at her feet, thousands admired her
as she pleaded for time to stay

The next day she was dumped
All spent, All forgotten, she faded away

The stalking fear:

The road lay in front of me
The road winding up ahead rising to kiss the foot of a stranger
The road, red with the blood of a dirty labourer or blushing at the newly weds who walked on to their dreams.
A silent observer dwelling firm on the ground and looking with envy at the floating clouds above.
There suddenly was a bang.
A few clatters, a terrifying cry and then silence.
The silence that echoed in every heart.
The silence that silenced the resonating hopes of a young widow, waiting for her love in a red attire,
With hands full of bangles, a gleaming vermillion and eyes sparkling with love, with hopes, with dreams.
The dreams broke in an instant,
The heart was trodded on in an instant
The flower lay plucked in an instant.
The bangles lay broken, The vermillion was wiped
And the colorful red was replaced with white
And the silence was broken, broken with dread, with grief, with more silence.
The dread is still there in our heart
The heart still blooms with fear
The fear that is death, the gloomy inevitable death
The goal has long been set
The path has long been made
And we have long been marching.
But all along we dread to die
But all along we dream to live
But all along we dare to dream.

One moment more :

The pain of death's farewell grows dim,
The pain of life's farewell stays new.
Since you were exiled to jiangnan
- plague land - i've had no news of you.

Proving how much you're in my thoughts,
Old friend, you've come into my dreams,
I thought you still were in the law's
Tight net - but you've grown wings, it seems.
-Vikram seth,Three Chinese poets

Movies are my panacea I think or may be it's mania is the diesease that I suffer from. Watching some movie or the other and thinking about it is the only activity that I enjoy, I think. A few days before, at arnd 1 in the Night I started watching Mili, not that I hadnt seen it before , but I enjoy watching it. Its a movie which instills hope(Something I dont belive in), a movie which though in the same lines as of Anand is so brilliantly different with its adaptation. Amitabh with his controlled potrayal of the debauched and hurt son and Jaya with her ebulliant self were both brilliant. I simply adored the movie when I saw it for the first time and still adore it everytime I watch it.

Most parts of the movie moved me, but I keep on thinking about one thing as in Why did Amitabh have to propose and marry Jaya when he knew that she was terminally ill. What did that union procure, a month or two togather, the slow but painful acceptance that you are slowly loosing the person you love to death, some more memories to struggle with. I kept on thinking about why do people try to continue with a relationship when there is no future to it, when all that can come out of it is hurt, pain and nothing but memories which may keep on haunting one for like ever.

I was talking to a friend when he started talking about death and how we all wish to prolong the moment of the final passing. So true I thought, A person is not dead till he is dead and if he is not dead, he is alive, so it is not stupid when one keeps on wishing for the dead person to hold onto his life. What about a relationship then, isnt a relation also like life, then why not try to hold on to the relation just a moment more before letting go, just trying to hold on to the person before the relation lies broken never to be mended.

Some say it is better for the parting to be blunt, a moment and everything gone but I cannot but disagree. Death or Separation, sudden or lingering cannot bring anything but some morose despair, a terrible shock and another life defunct. The difference being, only in separation, the body breathes. If it is lingering atleast you can prepare for the destined, atleast you can have some more moments togather, atleast you have some more experiences, some more life,some more joy, some more memories. As days pass, the inevitable may happen, some candles may be stubbed out, some ships just hanging around may leave for their destination, I may remain standing alone but atleast I would have a moment more.

One more moment and all that it is.